KREWE DU MISHIGAS FLOATS HOME TWO BY TWO ON NOLA’S ARK
ARKansas
Reports have reached the Monde du Merde that an amazing, amphibious vehicle has arrived after crossing the United States in a noble attempt to bring back New Orleans’ citizens. The vehicle itself is truly a wonder to behold – an ark with wheels! The wondrous creatures that are aboard and around this mysterious and marvelous craft travel in pairs. To find out more, we interviewed a man who identified himself as “NOLA’s Husband,” or “Mr. NOLA.”
MdM: Can you please tell us about this craft and it’s purpose?
Mr. NOLA: We’re the Meshugeneh Mavins (crazy know-it-alls) and Mischevious Mohels (schmeckel circumsizers) of the Mystic KREWE du MISHIGAS, come to repopulate our beloved City of the Crescent! And this is our ARK!
MdM: Oh, so you must be Noah!
MN: No – ah sir, I’n not Noah! I do, however have the fortune to be married to Noah’s fraternal twin sister, NOLA!
MdM: NOLA? Never heard of her.
MN: Oh, brave NOLA! She has long been denied her rightful place in herstory! She is brave and true, and has immense love for Margaritas, Etoufee, Beignets, Gumbo, and Tabasco!
MdM: It seems like your wife’s boat has a lot more people and things than animals on it. Wazzup with that?
MN: Well, I don’t mean to malign my brother in law, but Noah was kind of a shcmenrick, only taking his own family aboard the ark. What about the neighbors? Now, my NOLA would never leave anyone behind!
MdM: So, would you say that it is NOLA’s personal mission to rebuild the land after the attack of the vicious Katrina – that horrible wastrel that laid waste to many a home, business, school, snoball stand, bar, well, hell, just about everything in her path?
MN: Indeed! After the flood, NOLA and I journeyed to places far and wide – To Houston and Dallas, to Baton Rouge and Atlanta, to far off and freezing Northern lands. We sojourned for a while in Florida. But there was no place like home! So home we came, gathering the people TWO BY TWO along the way, from hamlets and villages, and ungodly places where one could not carry alcohol in the streets! Imagine! Places where parades were held but once a year, and beads were relegated to the necks of children playing dress-up! Oh, the horrific tales that were told!
MdM: Beads only for children! Egads, what a world! What can you tell us about your journey?
MN: As the ARK rolled along, the bakers baked King Cake, Doberge and Beignets! The odor wafted out, attracting the musicians! The musicians played as only those from New Orleans can, and TWO BY TWO the folk followed, lining up for the greatest and most magnificent Second Line ever seen! NOLA’s ARK was a beacon, an light onto the nation!
MdM: Could anyone get on board?
MN: As the ARK crossed the great Diaspora, more people begged to be taken aboard, to return to our Great City on the River. Poor and rich, old and young, goniffs and marchers, bubbies, zaydes, boychicks and sheyna maidels – all aboard the ARK! At one point, the ARK almost got caught on a thorny BUSH! The BUSH tried to stop them from reaching the city, denying funding and grants, But we pressed forward!
MdM: Did you leave anyone behind?
MN: My wife deemed some people unworthy and so we left them by the side of the road: FEMA bureaucrats and politicians, overpriced contractors who don’t return calls, tree guys charging eighteen times the going rate, and media that tarnished the image of our beloved city!
MdM: I’ve heard that at first, she was reluctant to pick up certain elements?
MN: Well, yes. At one point, we were all starting to get a little strir-crazy. NOLA started shouting, “NO LOOTERS, NO SHOOTERS, NO MAIDELS SHOWING HOOTERS!” Then she came to her senses, a city needs an income after all, so we went back to pick up the maidels with hooters.
MdM: Well, good thing, that!
MN: (winks) You betcha! Although I have to say, my NOLA has a nice pair herself!
MdM: Well, Mr. NOLA, welcome back! And please give my thanks to your beautiful wife for bringing everyone back from the diaspora!
MN: You’re welcome! As we say on the AQRK, “Exile; It’s not just for Jews anymore!”